Truth is not enough

Wish I had learned an invaluable lesson years ago. I’m trying to learn it now but I’ve always proven myself to hard headed. Too stubborn. The irony is that I’ve always fooled myself into thinking that I was the one taking charge.

 

Lately have been having a hard time dealing with my Parkinson’s. I don’t speak of it much on here. Just touch on it. I’m not referring to it’s symptoms, but the coping and dealing. I’m progressing at a much faster rate than I ever thought I would. It gets the best of me and it is wearing me out. I’m tired from it mentally, physically and even spiritually I’s exhausting. What’s worse is that is seems to worsen faster than I ever imagined.

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Scripture says that the truth will set us free. It seems to me not applying everything of this wisdom from God’s word isn’t enough in and of itself. I knew the truth years ago that whatever we focus on we become. It’s the truth. But it hasn’t set me free.

 

I know for a fact that E=Mc2. It’s a logical reasoning. It’s the truth. But could I pass an advanced physics class and explain the concepts on mass-energy equivalences? Just knowing is not enough.

 

I’m learning this simple truth is teaching me a great deal. Wherever we ut our energies or our attention, those things will develop. Another way I like to say it is, “Where the mind goes, the man follows!”

 

Always in the past if I began to think about alcohol, I would soon find myself in some way pursuing alcohol. My thoughts will stir my desires and emotions, and I will make the decisions to follow them.

 

In the past if I focused only on the negative things in my life that revolve around my bipolar and/or Parkinson’s, I became negative. Everything including conversations becomes negative. I soon lose my joy and live miserable…and it all starts with my own thinking.

 

We should choose our thoughts carefully. Rarely we do. We can think about what is wrong with our lives about what is right with them. We think about what is wrong with all the people we re relationships with or we can see the good and focus on that.

 

“At lease I’m not…” is the accursed slogan of the beggar.

 

“Who am I to complain?” is the accursed slogan of the rich man.

 

And there are two sides of the same coin, because as soon as you accept on, your chased down by the other.

 

At least I’m not a deadbeat dad. Therefore, who am I complain about the emptiness of only seeing my children by visitation? My children are miracles because technically I’m unable to produce children and three were lost.

 

At least I’m not living in an assisted home being taken care of like a child. Therefore, who am I to complain about the pain in my world because of my bipolar and Parkinson’s. Many times my heart bleeds in the middle of the night.

 

I only take ten pills a day to attempt to my brain sane. Some to keep my hand still and my legs able to walk. Therefore, who am I to complain about the inconvenience when I’m not on something such as chemo.

 

We, at least I, don’t tend to end up defining myself in the negative, “At least I’m not” and “Who am I to” are both statements of negations instead of affirmation that would be….”I am…”

 

These are truths and just know them aren’t enough. It takes understanding and accepting them to be free.

 

Light exists. Darkness is only the absence of light and unable to exist in and of itself.

 

Heat exists. Coldness is only the absence of heat and it does not exist in and of itself.

 

Love exists. Isolation is the only absence of love and does not exist in and of itself.

 

It’s hard to admit the affirmative truths about our existence, whether it’s stuff we like or stuff we don’t like.

 

I’m have Bipolar.  I have Parkinson’s.

 

I take medications.

 

I do only see my children on a visitation schedule.

 

It’s not how I’d like, but at least it’s something to work with.

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